Tag Archives: relationship

Camper Life 4 Ever…. Well Let Hope It’s Not

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I had been in Alaska for a little over two weeks. We were staying in his fathers apartment because he was out-of-town. It was small but had bathrooms and a kitchen and internet. You know the basics. Anyways his dad came back from vacation and we both realized that there is no way three people could live in that space, even though his father was all about it. We looked for places, but no one wanted to do a month to month with only two months and all the places that were available were way over $1000. We are trying to save to live in New Zealand come two months, why would we spend that type of money.

Well we had another option given to us. His bosses girlfriend offered us their camper. Yes we are living out of a camper that is on the side of his mom’s house. It is super small but has a bed. However it is not winterized, and so we have no water. His mom has been nice enough to have the house open to us for showers and bathroom needs. It’s cold, very cold, but we have a little heater that works fine when we are both in bed. As soon as he leaves for ork at 6 AM though, I swear it gets 10 degrees colder in there. He feels the cold more than I do which is odd, but he says that we need to find a new space before October and it gets bellow zero.

I tried yesterday to put some of our stuff “away” or at least out-of-the-way to make it look nicer. I think that the more space I can give the appearance of the more he will be ok. Don’t get me wrong, I would love a place with heating and toilets, but as I told him, as long as we are safe and together that is all that matters. I know sappy but it is the truth. Plus I look at this as testing how things could be in New Zealand. We talked about getting a truck to travel and camp in most of the time, so this is kind of like that.

On the other hand, even though I am super happy about traveling there is still the part of me that can’t wait till we come back and possibly settle down someplace. Maybe we will be back in Alaska and he’ll be doing his construction job and I’ll get a real summer job, maybe we will be in Fl and I’ll be teaching theater again and he will get a diving job. Either way I know two things. One I want an apartment and two I don’t want to do long distance ever again.

That is another thing that has been getting me through this. As much as not working, being cold, not knowing anyone, and being away from family sucks balls, I don’t ever have to worry about any of the stupid long distance stuff. Not have to worry if they are giving up hope, or put in an awkward situation. No longer having to make sure they don’t think the same thing about you. No more pain of missing them and no more seeing them only through pics and Skype. I have the real person right in front of me. He comes home to me every night and we wake up together in the morning and it’s not just via phone or text. It’s all worth it, yeah it’s sappy and mushy and what not, but I have no regrets cause it feels right in my heart.

 

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Insecurities are a hell of a thing.

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Coming from a long line of boy friends who have purposely worn me down to the root of them, it is very odd dating some one who doesn’t. I’m use to doing things like checking all the time, getting permission to hang out with people, seeing if what I want to do with my days off is ok. I know this is not healthy but that was the norm for me in my last 2 relation ship. So calculating it up that makes the last 6 and a half years of feeling like everything I do could mean getting yelled at or accused of something.

Why do I bring this up, you might be asking? Well I was asked to go to lunch by Mr. GC’s best friend cause he couldn’t go cause of work. I said yes because I don’t have any friends here, I was hungry, and because I want to get to know his friends better, especially his best friend. After I agreed I had a panic moment though and texted Mr. GC and told him the plan. I tried not putting it into question for, but it was a way to ask permission to go. I don’t think he took it as that and was happy we were going to hang out. That calmed my nerves alot.

In the past when ever I would hang out with boyfriends friends I was accused of liking that person. I think in my last one I was accused of wanting or sleeping with almost all of his friends, including the girls, and I never did or wanted. Red Flags, right? But I have to remind my self things are different. Things are good and he has a good head on his shoulders. I just have to adjust, baby steps cause I know this type of thinking doesn’t change over night.

 

Depression and The Great Out Doors

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Two weeks down of being in the north and I think I am adjusting ok. I do get a little depression from time to time, whether it is because I miss my family or miss Florida, but it comes and goes and I remember why I am here. We have been house sitting and today we get to move out and try living in a camper because it is very hard to find a place that is willing to rent an apartment for 2 months and is under $1000 per month. It will be something completely different from what I’m use to and I won’t lie, I am a little nervous. Also it is very tough finding a job up here, there are a lot of them but not in any field that I know anything about. That’s probably why I also get depressed. I have worked since I was 13 and I hate not making money and sitting around.

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However I did find a cure for my depression, well MR. GC helped find it with me. Hiking! Well it wasn’t so much the hiking that I liked, the climbing rocks part. We don’t have that in Florida, we have flat, marshy, swamp land where everything wants to kill you. This was hills, and trees, and rivers, and the only thing you had to worry about getting you are bears. It was in the 60’s and sunny and I didn’t need sunscreen. It was the first time that week that I didn’t have that little voice in my head saying, “Cry!” We did get a little off trail but it showed that we could help and support each other. I mean we will be doing a lot of this in New Zealand so might as well find out if we work well together as a team.

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After hiking, he also took me to a hot spring, which if you can, go try one. It was amazing to relax in hot water after a long days hike. After the hot springs I had an awesome burger and we called it a night. It was something I needed and didn’t even know. I am very happy that I have some one that works well with me, not that we are perfect, but we are there for each other.

Ok so enough of the boring word stuff here are some photos from that day at Angels Rock.

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Ikea has Nothing on Star Wars models

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I have always heard the joke that if a couple can put together Ikea stuff then you are a good match. We didn’t do this but we did put together a metal replica of Darth Vader’s Tie Fighter.

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Let’s back track a tiny bit. When Mr. GC was traveling back from New Zealand he found these Star Wars 3D models that you could put together. He bought the Tie Fighter and a At-At walker. He did not tell me this until last night when he surprised me with these wonderful gifts. It was a rainy day and our first full day off together and we were staying in, that is when he asked if I wanted to put one together. I said yes, but was super worried that this might start a fight. You never know a true person until they get frustrated with small pieces and assembling something together.

We put on a movie and started to read the directions. All the parts were attached to metal sheets and some were quite small. Surprisingly it went rather nicely. It took us two movies and two episodes of Star Trek to finish it, but we did it and put in equal work. The reason why it took so long was one piece was particularly difficult and so we both agreed we should put it down, watch How to Train Your Dragon and get back to it after we cooled down. Besides the fact the we have a very cool little Tie Fighter now, it made me very happy to know that we were able to do this. There were no fights, no one was bossy, if one person couldn’t do it the other person could. Fucking team work! It’s the first time that I have had that, and I like it.

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I’m guessing the next rainy day in we will do the next one and then probably buy the R2D2 and Millennium Flacon models as well.

Top 5 Frustrations of Being Bi

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So I am Bi, but over the years I have noticed 5 things that kinda piss me off. Most of it has to do with maybe the guys I date but here they are

1.Checking out other girls- I can appreciate the beauty of others, however one common thing that happens in relationships, mostly with men, is “Hey look at her, she is hot.” Sigh, yes I am glad you think she is good looking, and she might really be, but I am the person you are dating. I do not need to know about every piece of tail that you think looks good, especially cause, more likely than not, they don’t say shit about how I look. I come off as a very strong, confident person, but I am not as confident as you think. I think the one thing that I have always wanted in a relationship is to know I am enough woman for one person, and once that is established then we can talk about the long legged super model walking down the street. And the other thing is if it happens once in a while that is fine, but I dated a guy once who pointed out every single girl, and that got old real quick.

2.Threesomes- I am horrible at sharing. Always have, probably always will. I also don’t like mixing. I also have not really had anyone I trust enough to do this successfully. I have tried twice and it ended horribly. It was not for me because my partner was being selfish. Now like I said above, a guy shows me that I am his everything and enough for him, but we want to add some one as a toy, that is another story. However most guys I have meet or dated have the mind frame of a three some is an excuse to have sex with another person.

3.I am not going to cheat, with either sex- One the other side I have had guys be scared I would cheat on them with anyone. I would be hanging out with my friends who are girls and if I was spending a lot of time they would start accusing. Just cause I am Bi does not mean I am attracted to everyone. In fact it takes a lot for either sex to attract me, so cool your jets.

4.No you did not turn me- I have been asked during some relationships if they have turned me one way or another. No I am Bi, I will always be Bi, sorry. I have also had arguments with some gay friends because they said I was straight because I haven’t dated a girl in a while. No, that is dumb. I am picky and I may lean towards men more but I am still attracted to women and I enjoyed my relationships that I have had. Just because I am dating a guy does not mean that my feeling toward women “Poof” disappears.

5.I’m more than just sex- Stop using my Bi-ness in conversations like it is a special talent. Yes I might make jokes about it from time to time, but I am just like everyone else. I am not going to introduce you to a friend and say, “Hey this is Bob, he went to UCLA for Marine Biology , and he is straight” No, that sounds weird right? Just like gay people and transgender people want to be treated normally, so do Bi people. Its just a sexual preference, there are a whole lot more layers to this onion than just that.