Tag Archives: love

Not Everything In Alaska is Pretty

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I don’t think I could really tell him this cause I know it would really upset him, but I have never felt so unwanted by people who matter most. He makes me feel wanted, I feel like a burden some times. His guy friends are nice to me and his best friend has reached out a couple times so that is nice but the rest of the group, mostly the women aren’t as welcoming. They are lawyers, which I don’t know why they are so snobby, but they are. One of the girls offered a place to stay, and then stood the group up that night when she was suppose to meet me and then backed out of it. She said only one of use could stay not two. It’s fine that she doesn’t want us to live there but she always has an excuse when I am hanging out, not to come out.

The other group that has made me feel the shittiest is his mom and sister. She offered us a place to hook up our camper, so we did. But now I find out that she doesn’t want us living here because he got really mad and blew up verbally during his parents divorce because his girl friend cheated on him and he blamed them as the straw on the camels back. I don’t know all the details and it’s not my place to go into it fully all I know is that because of that I am being lumped into a category with her and we can’t stay here much longer.

I just don’t understand why I am not given a chance. I am polite and kind. I go out of my way for others. I try being aware of what’s going on in the world so I can hold conversations with many different groups of people. So if I have all that why do I feel I am being so shut out so fast with out a fighting chance.

At least I have work starting up. This week I was offered one job and have two interviews this upcoming week. It will allow me to meet new people, people who won’t be comparing me to others or shutting me out cause I am not one of the original group, even though I was in FL while it was happening and was the silent member. At least in Naples will try sucking the life out of you before shutting you out. I don’t know, all I know is I am here for Mr. GC and we will be leaving in November and I don’t have to worry about coming to this place of bitterness for another 7 months after that.

 

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Camper Life 4 Ever…. Well Let Hope It’s Not

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I had been in Alaska for a little over two weeks. We were staying in his fathers apartment because he was out-of-town. It was small but had bathrooms and a kitchen and internet. You know the basics. Anyways his dad came back from vacation and we both realized that there is no way three people could live in that space, even though his father was all about it. We looked for places, but no one wanted to do a month to month with only two months and all the places that were available were way over $1000. We are trying to save to live in New Zealand come two months, why would we spend that type of money.

Well we had another option given to us. His bosses girlfriend offered us their camper. Yes we are living out of a camper that is on the side of his mom’s house. It is super small but has a bed. However it is not winterized, and so we have no water. His mom has been nice enough to have the house open to us for showers and bathroom needs. It’s cold, very cold, but we have a little heater that works fine when we are both in bed. As soon as he leaves for ork at 6 AM though, I swear it gets 10 degrees colder in there. He feels the cold more than I do which is odd, but he says that we need to find a new space before October and it gets bellow zero.

I tried yesterday to put some of our stuff “away” or at least out-of-the-way to make it look nicer. I think that the more space I can give the appearance of the more he will be ok. Don’t get me wrong, I would love a place with heating and toilets, but as I told him, as long as we are safe and together that is all that matters. I know sappy but it is the truth. Plus I look at this as testing how things could be in New Zealand. We talked about getting a truck to travel and camp in most of the time, so this is kind of like that.

On the other hand, even though I am super happy about traveling there is still the part of me that can’t wait till we come back and possibly settle down someplace. Maybe we will be back in Alaska and he’ll be doing his construction job and I’ll get a real summer job, maybe we will be in Fl and I’ll be teaching theater again and he will get a diving job. Either way I know two things. One I want an apartment and two I don’t want to do long distance ever again.

That is another thing that has been getting me through this. As much as not working, being cold, not knowing anyone, and being away from family sucks balls, I don’t ever have to worry about any of the stupid long distance stuff. Not have to worry if they are giving up hope, or put in an awkward situation. No longer having to make sure they don’t think the same thing about you. No more pain of missing them and no more seeing them only through pics and Skype. I have the real person right in front of me. He comes home to me every night and we wake up together in the morning and it’s not just via phone or text. It’s all worth it, yeah it’s sappy and mushy and what not, but I have no regrets cause it feels right in my heart.

 

Climbing The Mountian part 2

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Day two of our trip. We woke up around 8 and it was sooooo cold. We both checked what the weather would be like the day before, mine said sunny his said rainy. Oddly we were both wrong. After about an hour of us trying to get out of the bed of the truck, cause it was warmer, we got ready and dressed for the hike. We had our left overs for breakfast and he made me some coffee, such a good man. Anyways let’s get to the interesting part.

In the park you could drive 15 miles in with out the tour bus. Anything farther you had to buy a shuttle ticket. We figured since we wanted to leave when ever we wanted to that we would just drive in as far as we could and make the best of it. I highly recommend when driving through any mountains to listen to the Skyrim soundtrack. It is the perfect listening to natures awesomely beautiful areas. Plus it really makes you want to grab a sword and climb some shit.

I was told that it wouldn’t be as intense of a hike as the last one so I wore semi warm clothing, leggings with jean shorts, high socks a shirt and two jackets. We parked the car and as I was getting out I noticed what I thought was rain at first , but then thought, “No this looks more like ash but I can’t find it once it hits the car.” I even asked Mr. GC, who assured me it was probably rain and not ash. About 10 minute in we both realized what it was. IT WAS SNOW!!!! I actually got to see snow fall start while climbing a mountain! IN SEPTEMBER! This was amazing. It was very light though.

We started the climb of the Savage trail and my lungs got really unhappy with me really fast. I need to work on my elevation walking because I had to stop so many times and even after stopping it felt like a giant had his hands wrapped tightly around my rib cage. I even had a moment of almost panic attack and MR. GC said we could go back, but I am very stubborn so I said no way. The snow was still coming down slightly and it was very steep. At one point my ears started getting cold and he put one of his scarves babushka style on me. I looked like my great grandma. He thought this was the best thing ever.

Finally we made it to the top and it was time to follow the ridge. As soon as we turn the corner of the mountain we got hit with tremendous winds and tones of snow. The mountain was holding back most of what was going on. It stung a lot and I put on sun glasses to see, which MR. GC thought was even funnier. Yes I had quite the outfit on. We had probably hiked about 2- 2.5 miles by this point and we found some shelter in a rock when I asked him where the end came out. He stated he thought it was a loop but when I said the sign didn’t say so he suggested we head back because he thought we were going on a 4 mile and not an 8.

The hike down was so much easier and went by quick and on arrival back to the bottom we thought maybe we would walk along the stream for a little. The snow was no longer snow at this point and was just rain but he let me use a rain jacket. Boy did we get soaked. It was cold and rainy and that is a combo that he does not like. I reminded me of Florida winter, so I was fine but he was miserable. We did not hike next to the wild river long. We did have fully soaked clothing on though. I changed, he didn’t and we started back home after we stopped to take a quick nap.

The snow was coming down a lot and a lot of the higher area trees were starting to get covered. and the lower we got the more it turned into rain and fog. You couldn’t see much on the way back but it was eerie and still beautiful. We listened to mix tapes and joked around a lot. stopped and had burgers and made it home in time to put on some dry clothing and watch the Abyss.

Even though I didn’t get to see any wild life, the fact that I got to see snow for the first time on a mountain was kind of epic. Plus I enjoy getting to do new things with Mr. GC. It’s nice having some one there so I can look back on later with and reminisce.

 

Insecurities are a hell of a thing.

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Coming from a long line of boy friends who have purposely worn me down to the root of them, it is very odd dating some one who doesn’t. I’m use to doing things like checking all the time, getting permission to hang out with people, seeing if what I want to do with my days off is ok. I know this is not healthy but that was the norm for me in my last 2 relation ship. So calculating it up that makes the last 6 and a half years of feeling like everything I do could mean getting yelled at or accused of something.

Why do I bring this up, you might be asking? Well I was asked to go to lunch by Mr. GC’s best friend cause he couldn’t go cause of work. I said yes because I don’t have any friends here, I was hungry, and because I want to get to know his friends better, especially his best friend. After I agreed I had a panic moment though and texted Mr. GC and told him the plan. I tried not putting it into question for, but it was a way to ask permission to go. I don’t think he took it as that and was happy we were going to hang out. That calmed my nerves alot.

In the past when ever I would hang out with boyfriends friends I was accused of liking that person. I think in my last one I was accused of wanting or sleeping with almost all of his friends, including the girls, and I never did or wanted. Red Flags, right? But I have to remind my self things are different. Things are good and he has a good head on his shoulders. I just have to adjust, baby steps cause I know this type of thinking doesn’t change over night.

 

Depression and The Great Out Doors

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Two weeks down of being in the north and I think I am adjusting ok. I do get a little depression from time to time, whether it is because I miss my family or miss Florida, but it comes and goes and I remember why I am here. We have been house sitting and today we get to move out and try living in a camper because it is very hard to find a place that is willing to rent an apartment for 2 months and is under $1000 per month. It will be something completely different from what I’m use to and I won’t lie, I am a little nervous. Also it is very tough finding a job up here, there are a lot of them but not in any field that I know anything about. That’s probably why I also get depressed. I have worked since I was 13 and I hate not making money and sitting around.

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However I did find a cure for my depression, well MR. GC helped find it with me. Hiking! Well it wasn’t so much the hiking that I liked, the climbing rocks part. We don’t have that in Florida, we have flat, marshy, swamp land where everything wants to kill you. This was hills, and trees, and rivers, and the only thing you had to worry about getting you are bears. It was in the 60’s and sunny and I didn’t need sunscreen. It was the first time that week that I didn’t have that little voice in my head saying, “Cry!” We did get a little off trail but it showed that we could help and support each other. I mean we will be doing a lot of this in New Zealand so might as well find out if we work well together as a team.

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After hiking, he also took me to a hot spring, which if you can, go try one. It was amazing to relax in hot water after a long days hike. After the hot springs I had an awesome burger and we called it a night. It was something I needed and didn’t even know. I am very happy that I have some one that works well with me, not that we are perfect, but we are there for each other.

Ok so enough of the boring word stuff here are some photos from that day at Angels Rock.

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Ikea has Nothing on Star Wars models

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I have always heard the joke that if a couple can put together Ikea stuff then you are a good match. We didn’t do this but we did put together a metal replica of Darth Vader’s Tie Fighter.

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Let’s back track a tiny bit. When Mr. GC was traveling back from New Zealand he found these Star Wars 3D models that you could put together. He bought the Tie Fighter and a At-At walker. He did not tell me this until last night when he surprised me with these wonderful gifts. It was a rainy day and our first full day off together and we were staying in, that is when he asked if I wanted to put one together. I said yes, but was super worried that this might start a fight. You never know a true person until they get frustrated with small pieces and assembling something together.

We put on a movie and started to read the directions. All the parts were attached to metal sheets and some were quite small. Surprisingly it went rather nicely. It took us two movies and two episodes of Star Trek to finish it, but we did it and put in equal work. The reason why it took so long was one piece was particularly difficult and so we both agreed we should put it down, watch How to Train Your Dragon and get back to it after we cooled down. Besides the fact the we have a very cool little Tie Fighter now, it made me very happy to know that we were able to do this. There were no fights, no one was bossy, if one person couldn’t do it the other person could. Fucking team work! It’s the first time that I have had that, and I like it.

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I’m guessing the next rainy day in we will do the next one and then probably buy the R2D2 and Millennium Flacon models as well.

We write letters.

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We write letters. Actually I think that will be the only thing I miss about this. I love getting mail, and I love getting mail from a sexy male, see what I did there. Anyways I think that maybe people should try and just write a letter to people they care about. It is special and things seem to be more open and truthful because you have hed time to think of them, I just wanted to say that you can never go wrong with a letter, even if you live with them.