Ok time to face to music. Sometimes things don’t work the way you want. That is what happened. Things between my fiance and I failed. I do take a tiny bit of responsibility for pushing him away last summer. I took up my dream job which required me to work long days and when I should have gone home on many nights I was selfish and went out with friends. It had been a long time since I was able to be my self around people and make friends that I got caught up in it. I realized what I was doing around August and apologized and tried nesting and working on us. We decided to hold the wedding for a year because of money and everything seemed to be going well.
Then Halloween happened. Typically this was a day we both looked forward to. We would put on awesomely made costumes, made by me, and we would always go out and have a great night. This last years not so much. He wound up telling me the day of that he didn’t want to do anything, he was tired. I understood that but I did get us tickets to a show. So I went by myself, fully dressed, and then went home. It is the one holiday that I love and he just didn’t care. The following day he didn’t come home.
When some one you love does not answer their phone and is not coming home, not at their normal bars, and none off his close friends know where he is, it makes your stomach turn. The first week of November was our anniversary and we decided to get secretly married with a couple of friends. We paid the fees and had everything set up. I don’t know if it was cold feet that started this or him realizing he was becoming an adult but something went horribly wrong. He started hanging out with a 40 something year old from work and drinking way more. I knew he had a drinking problem but he would wake up and before work have three beers. I knew I was losing him but he wouldn’t tell me why or even if he was coming home. He would tell me how crazy I was acting because I would call him 6 times a night trying to see if he was alive. He made me believe I was the issue and I was smothering him. I am sorry but when you live with some one for two and a half years and the person starts not showing up the other person has the right to worry. I offered a break after our anniversary weekend. He took that and we did not get married.
Before I go into the next part of this story I just want to clarify something. Yes, I know I am a nice person, sometimes too nice. Also if you are honest with me I can work with you but if you lie you are shit out of luck. I gave him the chance to tell me if he wanted a monogamous break or if he wanted to see other people. I gave him the chance to be honest and he said that I was all he wanted he just needed space. I was a fool and believed him. After the first week he was making out with said 40 something year old in front of co-workers and friends. He knew they were there and still had no qualms about it. I dropped off his stuff at his place of work and told him to fuck off. This was week 3 of November.